the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
They have beer where we have blood.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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