If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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