covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
