So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
