If that was your dad, he is hot
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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