U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
