Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
