this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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