I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
