In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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