oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
