What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
