Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
