Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
