I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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