remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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