I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize