Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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