Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
