dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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