I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize