i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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