Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
