Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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