there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
