We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
