A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
