ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize