Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just gargled with NyQuil
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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