Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it's like heaven, but drunker
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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