I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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