Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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