Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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