omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
