I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
