my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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