just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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