so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
