evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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