There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
