Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
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