I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
