i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Randomize
