i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
