please come you make the beer taste better
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
