What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
