Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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