My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
