Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
