3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
