Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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