that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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