i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize