the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
