D3 body, D1 cock
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
