but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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