Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
