Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
