This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
