At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize