walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
