dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
