i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
