Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
