They should really pass out barf bags in church
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
