she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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