I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
